Yesterday I called Katy early in the morning to ask her what I could bring to the hospital. She said she didn’t need anything and wanted Paul and I to stay home. She said she could see what she was putting us through, how exhausting it was, and asked if we would just stay home. We were hurting so badly for her that we wanted to ignore her request and run to the hospital just to hold her. She told us that she needed to be alone. Sensing that her spirit was deeply wounded by some of the things that have happened this hospital visit, we worked by telephone all day to find another GI practice and help for her, but by the end of the day we had gotten nowhere. Along with sensing her despair, I had to listen to all the reasons why “insurance wouldn’t cover” or “we just don’t have time to research,” and by the end of the day I wondered what part of the day to salvage and pronounce “good.” All the while, we stopped and prayed several times for Katy’s situation.
About ten o’clock last night the phone rang and it was Katy. Her voice was quiet but peaceful. For the next two hours she told us how she had spent the day in prayer, telling the Lord many of the things that were on her heart and asking, “why?” We listened to her tell us about the way she worked through her spiritual struggle, and how she felt at peace about everything, even the feelings of abandonment by the medical community, and how her heart was at rest. She told us that she felt the hospital had done their job in balancing her electrolytes and they had treated her bacterial infection, so today the plan is to bring her home.
About four days ago her abdomen began to spasm and the muscle movement is clearly visible. As her colon is twisting and pulsating, she is in terrible pain. The result of four days of that has been that she cannot hold food down. The GI doctor on call came to see her and proclaimed that, “you need to find someone who knows about this disease and have them help you.” As she has tried to eat over the past four days, food returns to her mouth filled with stomach acid. For a second time in this past year a physician has crossly told her that she would get better if she would just eat. We have taken Katy to two University hospitals, asked for help from National Institutes of Health, and she has been hospitalized eight times in the past year. To know that God has given Katy the grace to forgive, and accept that her care is what it is, happens to be the part of the day that I can pronounce good. I understand why she needed a day to ask the Lord, “why?”
Through many dangers, toils, and snares, we have already come. Even the dangers of hopeless thoughts are being healed by the mercy of God.Comments: